Of Thoughts and Regrets
by Coyla
Summary: GLaDOS is torn between her love for science and her interest in Chell.
1. Chell Returns

_Mr. Johnson, I don't want this! No, listen to me! I don't. Want this! _

GLaDOS shook her chassis and closed her optic. She tried, so hard, to suppress the memories of being Caroline. But the one that haunted her the most was this one. Mr. Johnson and her fighting. Why? Why can't she just watch her test subjects, and be happy that Chell is back, and not trying to kill her? What did she do to deserve this memory? She doesn't have the time, or patience, to deal with this at the moment. She was too busy thinking about Chell, and how different she makes her feel. She almost has Chell on the same level of importance as Science, and that's important!

GLaDOS can remember how depressed Chell looked when GLaDOS wouldn't let her out of the escape lift, telling her to leave and never come back, and how many times Chell electrocuted herself, trying to re-open that shack door. She even threw her Companion Cube at the door, trying to bust the door open. Actually, GLaDOS can remember it... all too well.

Finally, GLaDOS opened the door, and the lift was waiting for her.

"Why did you come back?" GLaDOS glared at her roasted body. "I said to never come back."

Chell sat and shrugged, staring at the huge, forty feet tall machine. "Why did you open the door?"

"I knew you could talk. But, answer my question. And I'll think... _think_ ... about answering yours." GLaDOS' optic twitched slightly in anger. She didn't know why she would even think about opening the door for that monster, but she did. GLaDOS feared that it was the biggest mistake of her life. What if Chell knew that Caroline wasn't deleted? How could she be? She's the only reason GLaDOS runs. If Caroline was deleted, GLaDOS couldn't run properly. It's like Caroline has a relationship with Chell, somehow. And GLaDOS doesn't like it. At all. It keeps her from her beloved silence.

"I never wanted to go. I put you back in charge because I actually like to test. I came to your chamber long ago to ask you why you tried to kill me instead of giving me cake. I never wanted to try to kill you, I actually tried to stuff the Morality Core back into you, but it didn't work." Chell bit her lower lip hopefully and nervously ran her fingers through her hair. She was telling the truth, but she felt so guilty for what she did.

GLaDOS snickered and quirked one corner of her optic up, to indicate that she was smirking. "Right, so you go and burn it. Great idea, Chell. But, It's good to hear that you like to test, because now that you are back, you can test for the next sixty years. Oh wait, I told you that last time. And you murdered me. Again." She glared at Chell. "And you thought I was the monster." GLaDOS was right, she dislikes the fact of knowing that Chell can talk. She likes to argue.

Chell jumped to her feet. "Hey! I didn't want to do that! Wheatley tricked me!" Chell nervously licked her lips, not liking the fact that they are arguing again.

"You got tricked by a moron. Congratulations."

Chell frowned and her stomach twisted, she could feel color draining from her face. "C-Can I just go test? I don't want to be your enemy anymore. I helped you get back in charge because I like it that way. Why do you think I nearly fried myself to get back in here?"

"I don't care, do it. Will you actually test this time? Or will you kill me for a third time? Because if that is what you are planning on doing, then do it now. If you can even dare." GLaDOS narrowed her optic, her chassis swerving angrily and defensively.

Chell felt sick to her stomach. "GLaDOS! Listen to me, please!" She begged, looking up at her with pleading eyes.

GLaDOS froze. Caroline's voice echoed in her memory banks. _Mr. Johnson, listen to me! I don't want this!_

GLaDOS called a lift to let her go test.

"Go.." She said, suddenly strained.

Chell grew concerned and stepped closer to GLaDOS. "Are you okay?" She frowned, slowly reaching up to touch her.

"Don't come any closer." She glared at Chell.

"I'm not going to hurt you! I'm done with that, I promise. If you'd just listen to me!" Chell growled, her arm going back to her side.

GLaDOS let out a subtle sigh. "Proceed."

Chell paused for a moment, and figured out what to say.

"I want a.. third chance. I thank you for being so generous, and I want to prove that I can be a really good test subject, and actually loyal. I won't let anyone come between me and testing, I promise. I really enjoyed testing, but I was so torn between you and Wheatley, I didn't know what to do. When Wheatley betrayed me, I realized what to do. I realized that testing is the only good thing I can do to make up for the horrible things I did to you." Chell waited hopefully.

"I called the lift a while ago. And, I gave you my word. You are saying the same thing in different context. Do you want a special invitation to go test?" GLaDOS growled. How could she possibly forgive Chell for everything she did? She must be a pretty damn good test subject in order to make up for everything she did.

"I'll prove to you that I can be a great test subject." Chell turned and entered the lift.

GLaDOS brought the elevator to Area one, test chamber one. GLaDOS will make her do every test in this facility. If she impresses GLaDOS, she'll let her go to the break room every few areas.

At first, GLaDOS didn't even dare to watch. She was upset that she even gave that monster ANOTHER chance, letting her run around her facility. Again. For the third time.

GLaDOS let out a sigh and looked at the monitors.

Chell walked through the first chamber doors, grinning victoriously. It felt great to be back.

"Searching."

Chell quickly shot a portal under the turret and at a random wall, crouching down and walking slowly, hoping that it's rapid fire wouldn't hurt her, or worse, kill her.

"Hurray!"

_Hurray? Why is the turret celebrating it's death? I wonder.. _

Chell shook the thought from her mind and continued testing.

She scanned the chamber, looking for different ways to solve it. "Oh, okay. I see." She chuckled, shot a portal to the platform, another one next to her, and walked through. She noticed a few things, momentum, cubes, buttons, and aerial faith plates. She contemplated a few different ways, but chose the easiest one.

"Okay, the cube is on an aerial faith plate, so I'm going to have to time this." She thought out loud, turned around, shot as high as she could on that wall, and waited until she heard the faith plate spring the cube back up, and jumped off the platform. She shot another portal at the ground so she didn't break into a million pieces. The cube came up just in time with her and she pressed a button on her gun that allowed her to grab things.

"C'mon, _gimme, gimme gimme." _She muttered and successfully managed to grab the cube. "Yup. I'm still amazing at this."

She bounced slightly on her long fall boots before starting to walk, she never questioned how they worked, but no matter how long or far she falls, she will always land on her feet, like a cat. She gently placed the cube on the button and strolled through the doors, and into the elevator. She breathed deeply, trying to catch her breath. Already, she's out of breath. She smoothed her bangs back and waited.

GLaDOS couldn't believe this. She was better than before. What was she doing outside that made her better at testing?

"Good." She muttered, bringing the elevator up to the next test chamber.

She didn't know how she felt about Chell being able to speak. She enjoyed the silence. Now, she feared that Chell would put up a verbal fight with her. That was the last thing GLaDOS needed.


	2. Back to Testing

Chell smoothed her bangs back and walked into the next test chamber.

"I told you, I'm not going to betray y-"

"_I don't want to hear it anymore, Chell. Just test." _GLaDOS hissed, the camera's optic narrowed a bit.

Chell swallowed down the lump that formed in her throat and she nodded quickly.

She briskly walked around the corner, knocking over a turret. "Oh, fuck!" She gasped and jumped backwards from its rapid fire.

"_I don't hate you."_

_How could it even hate? It's a turret. Turrets don't feel hatred. Must be a recording, after all, the turrets don't talk, they say the same thing over and over again. GLaDOS must've added those recordings, to see how test subjects would react to them. _

Chell continued walking, not having any sympathy for the stupid thing. "Oh, wonderful, death." Chell muttered and stared at the gooey substance in the huge gap.

_Alright, I need momentum. _

Chell scanned the test chamber. Looked pretty simple, in her opinion. Ledges, a few buttons, a few cubes, a couple turrets. The question is, how is she going to get momentum? The ledge has deathly goo at the bottom.

She, then, found a square of portable wall at the other side and popped a portal on it.

_Okay, I could push one of the cubes through, and hope that it lands on the platform. _

Chell ambled over to one of the cubes and shot a different portal on the wall next to her. She threw it in and it just landed on the button. She shot another portal on the ceiling and a portal below her, put another cube on the button, and walked through the next door.

"Hmm.. I don't like this. You're getting closer to me. Who knows, you might still have that hobby of killing someone that is only trying to help."

Chell sighed, "GLaDOS, I'm different now. Things. Are different. I love Science, I love being here, I love testing, I love doing things for you, GLaDOS."

GLaDOS thought for a moment. "Good. Because you will be doing it for a long time. I don't trust you, and I don't think I ever will. We'll just have to see. For the both of us. If I can trust you."

"Fine. Whatever it takes. I just want your trust."

The lift suddenly shifted slightly with a kick and shot up, faster and faster. "Wh-What's happening?"

The lift stopped and the doors opened, and Chell was back in GLaDOS' chamber.

"Alright. Let's talk." GLaDOS said and let out a subtle sigh.

Chell slowly made her way out of the lift and stood inches from GLaDOS.

"GLaDOS... I..."

GLaDOS didn't move, but studied Chell with a wide optic. "What are you doing?"

Chell smiled, "nothing. I'm just standing here. I wasn't lying back there. It feels good to be back." Chell spoke softly and smoothly.

GLaDOS was silent, and continued looking Chell up and down, making sure she had nothing with her.

Chell placed her ASHPD on the ground, and slowly reached out to touch the sides of GLaDOS' head.

GLaDOS reared back. "What are you doing? Don't touch me!" She hissed.

_Damn! So close! _

"GLaDOS!..." She talked in a softer voice, "I'm sorry. It's how I tend to communicate, I was just going to caress you... that's all."

"Well, I do not like my test subjects to 'caress' me. Understood?" GLaDOS stiffened and her optic narrowed.

"Could we just talk, then?" Chell pleaded, taking a step closer.

GLaDOS softened a bit and returned her optic back to normal, not letting her out of sight. "Fine. What do you want to talk about? Deers? Outside? Freedom?"

"Why would I want to talk about that? Those are all stupid, boring things. I want to talk about... you! And Aperture Science, and Science, and stuff."

GLaDOS blinked her optic. "...Why?"

"Because... you amaze me." She blurted, "I... really want to learn about you, and this place, and everything. I'm not a monster, GLaDOS. Maybe you think I am, and I understand, I was foolish, but I want to start over. I want to be the best test subjects you ever had.. and maybe even more." She looked up at GLaDOS with so much hope, she thought she'd die if GLaDOS rejected it, she even began to chew at her lip slightly.

"Well... since, you're _that_ determined, I guess we could start over. I don't really want to talk about how Aperture Science started, but you probably know about Aperture Science recently, so I do not understand why you'd want to learn more about it, as for me, well, GLaDOS is short for Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. I used to be called Caroline, but thanks to artificial intelligence, and Mr. Johnson, I am GLaDOS. And well, you know how I behave, how I am, I don't think I need to explain that to you. And since we're 'chatting', Mr. Johnson forced this on me. But, it needed to be done. Mr. Johnson wouldn't allow Aperture Science to be run by those idiots. That's why I killed them. I was perfectly fine with running MY facility on my own."

Chell didn't think GLaDOS would say all of this. "I'm sorry you felt that way. I promise, I'm not like those idiots. At least, not anymore." Chell smiled assuringly.

"...Well... it's a lot less quiet for me with you here. This is good and bad, so don't flatter yourself. Look, if you really have changed, then I'll allow you to redeem yourself." Her optic narrows slightly, "but any tricks, any tricks at all. And I'll kill you."

Chell nodded, "Listen, GLaDOS. I want to be friends... I don't like that you feel uncomfortable around me, or this sudden hatred." She was inches away again, "It hurts me, because I feel comfortable around you. I listen to every word you say and I live off of them, I won't be able to sleep at night without knowing that you trust me. Without you knowing that I actually care." She rested her hand on the sides of her head, caressing lightly.

GLaDOS closed her optic and leaned into her touch. The warmth of her hand made her chassis shudder. This sudden emotion washed over her, and she didn't know what it was. But it felt warm, and she felt like something triggered inside of her. "...Chell..." GLaDOS murmured, slowly opening her optic, focusing on her. "...I believe you."

Chell smiled and wrapped her arms around her head in a hug, planting a kiss on the outside of her optic. "Thank you! You don't understand how happy I am!" She pulled away, smiling up at her. Chell felt so relieved that GLaDOS allowed her to even speak, let alone touch her.

GLaDOS tried to steady herself, and leaned away from her touch, positioning herself up right. "You're right, I don't... but don't expect to be getting free rides on the elevator up here all of the time, I need you for testing. Not chatting. And if you want me to trust you, and to know that you really care, I need you to work hard, and complete a certain amount of tests each day."

Chell nodded and scooped up her ASHPD. "Okay! Done and done. I promise, I won't disappoint you."

Chell turned and entered the elevator, grinning ear to ear in happiness and relief.


	3. Getting the hang of things

Chell meandered into her sleeping chamber, placed her ASHPD on the ground, and kicked off her long fall boots. Even though the bed looked tiny and uncomfortable, she couldn't wait to climb in and sleep. She opened it and climbed inside, almost instantly falling asleep.

The Aperture Science radio blasted, and her eyes shot open. She groaned and rolled off the bed, slamming the radio repeatedly, aching to find the snooze button. "Hell." She moaned and gave up, letting it blast. She rubbed her eyes and looked at a reflection of herself. "Oh, wow..." she said, completely disgusted. Her hair was greasy, she had bags, and her clothes were nasty from sweating.

"Oh good, you're awake. As you know, I submit daylight at all hours, so you don't need to worry about what time it is."

Chell perked up and smiled, looking around, "GLaDOS! Can you tell me where the showers are?"

GLaDOS' voice was flat. "Showers? Why are you worrying about your hygiene? We do not care about smelly humans in Aperture Science. We care about science. Showering is *NOT* science."

Chell's smile slowly turned into a frown. Seriously? She can't shower? She nodded obediently and slid on her long fall boots. She scooped up her ASHPD and shuffled out of the sleeping chamber. She literally reeked. She at least hoped for a new set of clothes. She went to another set of tests and started from there.

She didn't let her hygiene slow her down from testing. She still worked hard and tried to impress GLaDOS.

"Good. At least being a smelly human doesn't slow you down. I notice from a lot of humans that when they don't shower for a few months, or days, or weeks, they get annoying and slow down in testing. I mean, come on. You don't need to shower. All you need to do is test. And test. And test." Her words repeated in a stutter, like she malfunctioned. "Also, eating is essential, so I provide you with one meal a day. Three meals take too long. It subtracts from testing time. Who would ever want that?"

Chell assumed that GLaDOS has just gone insane and decided to let her ramble. She finished the test chamber and strode along the hallway to the next one.

"I see you are getting confident. Of course, that *IS* expected from each human that I test. Once a human completes a few simple tests, they think they are perfect and think they can do anything. Well, they are wrong. No human can survive deadly neurotoxin." Her tone turned seductive at that last line. Chell felt a shudder run down her spine. Is GLaDOS going to kill her?

"I'm not going to get too confident, I'm just trying to make you proud." Chell said, pretty loudly.

"You are not testing to make me proud. You are testing for Science."

Chell remembered all too well that GLaDOS has clearly said, '_If you want to prove to me that you actually care, you will show it in your testing.' _Or something like that. She didn't want to be a smart ass and point that out, but still, she wished that GLaDOS would stop being so difficult. Maybe Chell's silence will win GLaDOS over.

"Besides. No one makes me proud. I'm only in it for the Science. Not for you. Not for my test subjects. Science. So don't get all over-your-head about this. What I said last night did not mean anything. Just forget it ever happened. I can. Easily."

"_Memory deleted_." A male computer voice echoed throughout the facility.

"See? Get back to testing. Test Subject."

Now Chell isn't even Chell? Cool. She angrily clenched her teeth and walked through the doors. She then realized what GLaDOS was trying to do. She was analyzing Chell's behavior. She suddenly smiled and calmly finished the test. Chell wasn't stupid. She knew what GLaDOS was up to. She probably didn't even delete anything. She probably remembers exactly what happened when Chell was in her chamber.

"Could I at least have a shower?"

GLaDOS grunted, "oh, for crying out loud."

Suddenly, robotic arms dropped down from the ceiling and one tugged off her uniform while the other sprayed her down with water. The robotic arms switched to shampoo and body wash and a third arm came down and scrubbed her.

Chell felt incredibly awkward. She could bathe herself. She had her arms protectively wrapped around her chest. She doesn't need robots to wash her entire body. The robotic arms washed her down again and blow dried her.

A clean jumpsuit and undergarments dropped down as well.

"There." GLaDOS said flatly and the robotic arms zoomed back up into the ceiling.

Chell quickly got dressed and picked up her ASHPD. "Well... that was different... but thank you..." she muttered. At least she felt and smelt better. Another robotic arm came down and picked up the dirty clothes, returning back up to the ceiling.

"Are you going to continue testing now? Or shall I spoon feed you?" GLaDOS said irritably.

Chell smirked and replied with massive sarcasm, "oh, could you? Can I have a turkey dinner?"

GLaDOS blinked her optic. "Are you kidding me?" She said angrily. "The last thing *I* need to worry about is giving *YOU* food. Get back to testing!"

Chell's jaw dropped. "Chill out! I was just joking!"

Chell looked around, wondering what GLaDOS was thinking with this test chamber. It was so simple. All she had to do was press the button, get the cube, and put it on th- Oh. No. There is goo there. Deadly goo. Then how can she put the cube over there? The surface is not portable.

"GLaDOS? Is this even possible?"

GLaDOS didn't reply. Instead, she attentively watched the screen, wondering if Chell would figure it out. No test subject has. On record.

Chell continued looking around. No gel or anything. She suddenly found a ledge with the bottom that was portable. She grabbed the cube, placed a portal on the floor, near the goo, and jumped off the ledge and shot another portal. She flew up high and moved towards the platform with the exit and button. She placed the cube on the button and walked through the door.

GLaDOS was impressed and thrilled that someone finally figured it out. "Good job." But she didn't want Chell to know that. Yet.

Good job? Chell deserved better than a good job. Chell shook her head subtly and walked into the next test chamber. Only three more and then she can take a break for the rest of the night.

The three test chambers nearly flew by and she went down to the break room.

She had to figure out how to get through to GLaDOS.


	4. The Break Room

To her surprise, a turkey dinner had waited for her in the break room. She knew GLaDOS had some care inside of her. She slowly made her way to the table, and looked around suspiciously. Who knew what GLaDOS could have hided around somewhere? A sensor that deployed deadly neurotoxin? Or maybe even a turret that waited underneath the really clean and chrome table? After a few minutes, she took her seat in front of her meal, still eyeing everything carefully.

GLaDOS' voice echoed through the room, and Chell yelped in surprise.

"This is the essential one meal for your day, don't get all cheeky because it was a coincidence that what you wanted was actually what you get. Trust me. That is not going to happen again."

Chell grinned sheepishly, "okay, GLaDOS, thank you." She said politely and ate slowly. Mind as well eat it slowly, and not like a savage. Now, she knew that this wasn't a trick. GLaDOS is too stubborn to admit that she has done something nice for Chell. She obviously cared in her own sarcastic way. Chell liked that.

"You are the first test subject that actually has table manners. Who taught that to you?"

Chell tried to answer, but she didn't know. She couldn't remember. She doesn't remember her family, or what they were like. She remembers waking up in a small chamber, and then her story unfolding by GLaDOS. Being abandoned at birth. Being unloved. This question was obviously condescending. She chose not to answer and to just continue eating. Perhaps she should start eating like a savage, with her fingers, no napkin, elbows on the table. Of course, she didn't. Even though GLaDOS is condescending her, she can't allow this to control Chell. She must stay strong. She has to get through to GLaDOS, somehow.

"Not going to answer? I could tell you why..."

_Wonderful. There she goes. Telling me the same shit on how I was adopted. _

"-and that's how you know table manners."

Chell plastered on a fascinated facial expression. "Wow! Thank you!" She shoved a forkful of mashed potatoes in her mouth.

She continued eating slowly. She wanted to wolf the whole thing down in one bite. That was how hungry she was, but she didn't. She was allowed to bathe, and now she has her turkey dinner. She shouldn't take it for granted. However, GLaDOS isn't making the experience very nice. GLaDOS obviously doesn't like sugar-coating things. She just puts it out there. Maybe her way of loving is to be condescending and rude. Chell could live with that.

Chell stared at her last bite of food. She didn't want to eat the last bite. She won't be able to eat anymore. She slowly got herself together and ate the last of it. It almost hurt to swallow.

Chell leaned back into the chair. What is she going to do for the next few hours? She wasn't very tired...

"Since you have completed the required tests today, I guess you can just do whatever it is humans do when they are on break. Sleep, eat cake, get more food, or- Oh wait. Aperture Science doesn't allow that."

Chell groaned,

"Instead, you can just sit here. Until *I* allow you to go to your sleeping chamber. Don't. Look in the fridge."

Chell turned to look at the fridge. It was tiny, maybe half of the size of Chell. She wondered if cake was inside of it. She looked around, she didn't see any surveillance cameras. _No, you can't look in there. GLaDOS said not to. _Chell turned back around and stared at the dish where there was once food. She bit at her lower lip. If only GLaDOS allowed more food. It was well deserved. Chell worked for at least a few hours. Maybe even more.

She got up and looked around. The break room was small, and kind of cute. A small table was in the center of the room, along with four other chairs. A mini-fridge and one counter was on the side, and an Aperture Science radio was in a corner. No sound was coming out of it. How sad.

Chell kicked off her long fall boots and sat on the table. It was cold, but she didn't mind.

"I noticed you were looking at my Aperture Science radio, would you like me to turn it on for you?"

Chell was afraid of what would happen when she turned it on. She nodded anyway.

The radio flicked on and it was playing something that Chell couldn't recognize. It sounded smooth and slow, which Chell liked. She tilted her head to the side peacefully and crossed her legs.

GLaDOS was interested in the way Chell reacted to the smooth and calming music. She looks extremely more relaxed. She contemplated if she wanted to turn it into heavy metal, but Chell deserves to relax... once... every few months...


	5. Misfortune

Chell pulled her frizzly, tangled, dark hair into a ponytail.

_Lord, Chell, you're a mess! _

She shook her head at her own thought and lowered down to her elbows, so she didn't have to distribute all of her weight in her hands.

"Don't get too comfortable," GLaDOS growled.

The radio flicked off, and Chell frowned, she really enjoyed that music.

She inwardly sighed and sat up, then pushed herself off of the table. She paced around in boredom. Should she just stand in a corner and do nothing? Is that what GLaDOS wants? Could she at least find out what the time was? She rolled her eyes.

_Probably not, GLaDOS likes that I'm completely clueless to what time it is. It could be 6:30 in the morning for all I know. It sure as hell feels like it! _

Chell grew frustrated and tired. She just wanted to go to sleep.

"Are you getting tired, Chell? Just like any other _weak, _and _pathetic_ human?"

GLaDOS was taunting her now. GLaDOS wanted to see her explode.

Chell frowned, "I am not weak or pathetic. I'm a normal human being. Normal human beings require water, food, and sleep. I doubt the strongest of humans could go without any of those things."

GLaDOS was shocked at her answer. For once, GLaDOS didn't know how to react.

The break room door flew open.

"If that is how you feel, you may return to your sleep chamber now." GLaDOS said slowly.

Chell stared at the door, not sure if she was being tested or not. She meandered out of the door and went into the elevator. It zoomed up so fast that Chell probably didn't have enough time to blink. She got dizzy from that experience and wobbled over to her bed and activated it open.

She climbed inside and went to bed.

Once again, she fell asleep immediately.

The Aperture Science Radio blasted, again, and Chell couldn't control herself and picked it up, and hurled it at the wall. It obliterated into millions of small bits.

GLaDOS emitted her own music out of the speakers, and it was the same obnoxious music that the radio was playing.

Chell groaned loudly and picked up her pillow and slammed it over her head.

"GLaDOS," she whined, "let me sleep!"

"Why?" The music continued.

Chell didn't want to argue and obediently sat up, gathered her bearings, and stood up.

The music stopped, "good, I'm glad you're not lazy."

_Yeah? Want me to turn into a sloth? _She made a face with this thought. Chell was *NOT* in the mood for GLaDOS' shit today. She loved her dearly, but why did she have to be such a fucking pain?

Chell understood that GLaDOS is a computer with supposedly "no feelings," but honestly, must she have been so stubborn and blunt? More importantly, sarcastic? She shuddered when GLaDOS spoke. Who knew that a computer could make Chell feel completely pathetic, small, un-loved, and useless? Chell still pushed forward, tried her best, and didn't back down. The horse reared her off but she got up, brushed off the dirt, and got right back on, Chell was stubborn, too. Chell knew what buttons that needed to be pressed and when they needed to be pressed. Most importantly, Chell knew when they needed to be stopped and left alone, as well. Chell wasn't stupid, Chell knew how things worked.

"Since you have destroyed the Aperture Science Radio, you will be working *VERY* hard today, with absolutely *NO* breaks. Aperture Science property is certainly *NOT* free!" GLaDOS' bright yellow optic turned slightly orange from the anger that pushed against her. *No one* destroys Aperture Science property. GLaDOS has lost a lot of respect for Chell. She needed to stop with her episodes. They were getting out of control.

Chell shivered. She has never in her life heard GLaDOS so angered. Chell started to shake and she chewed her lips.

_Please still trust me, GLaDOS. Please, still trust me. I'm begging you. I didn't mean to smash it! Oh god, please, forgive me! _

She contemplated on what would have happened to her. Deadly neurotoxin, crushed by plates or platforms, turrets, anything. GLaDOS could have killed her with anything.

The thing that scared Chell the most, was that she never knew when she would have been killed.

Chell walked into the first series of test chambers.

_Today is going to be a loooong day. _


	6. Confronting GLaDOS Again

"I picked out a special chamber for you, hold on a moment, I'm just cleaning out the dead bodies and reloading the turrets. Oh, come on, wipe that terrified look off of your face, after all, you have a lot of confidence, so I'm sure you'll be fine as long as yo-"

Her voice buzzed out. Chell bet GLaDOS buzzed her voice out on purpose. The doors flew open and Chell's jaw dropped. She had no idea how to solve this test.

She shot a portal at the ground and one near the corner where she was certain would be no turrets. She pressed herself against the wall.

_How is this test even fucking possible? Did GLaDOS give me an impossible test or something? Jesus Christ! _

Chell felt annoyed and angered, she jumped off the ledge and hid behind the weighted storage cube from the rapid fire turret. She pushed the cube forward and knocked it over when she was close enough.

Turrets. Everywhere you go, there are turrets.

"Give up now, you won't be able to solve this test."

GLaDOS was already mocking her?

She shot a portal underneath another turret and hid behind the cube again. Unintentionally, she knocked over several other turrets from getting rid of the other one with a portal, and she smirked.

_Impossible, huh? Oh, I don't think so._

Chell decided that if she wants to solve this test, she should eliminate all of the turrets first.

It took her a moment to wipe out all of the turrets, but she managed.

"Well done, but you still have to solve the test," GLaDOS said bitterly and chuckled.

Chell walked around and examined the room. It wasn't as simple as she saw it a few moments ago. Did GLaDOS change it when she was distracted? Was that even possible? Chell's head spun in confusion, she had no idea what to think of any of this.

_Alright, you passive aggressive computer, your challenge has been accepted, I'll solve this stupid thing. _

She shot a portal underneath the cube and on top of one of the buttons, and stairs formed onto the platform that wasn't portable. "Well, that makes everything much more clear, considering there are no aerial faith plates," Chell thought to herself.

She jogged up the stairs and shot a portal at the end of the laser beam and opposite of the transmitter, and the door swung open. Getting there was the problem, it was at the top of the room and there are no platforms.

Duh.

Momentum.

She shot a portal opposite of the door and jumped from the ledge and shot a portal before she landed, but when she landed a turret was waiting for her and it started shooting at her, "shit!"

She jumped down, holding her arm. "Fuck, it fucking got me good!"

"Oh, I forgot to mention that a turret somehow managed to _sneak_ it's way into the door. Somehow."

_You- _Chell couldn't think of anything to say about this, it was so evil.

She grabbed the cube and tried again, this time knocking over the turret with the cube. She walked around the cube and went inside the elevator.

"Well, you solved the test. Congratulations. Would you like some cake? I don't have any cake today, sorry. I do have some delicious deadly Neurotoxin, though."

The elevator shot up to her main chamber.

"Go ahead and kill me now, I know you want to, Chell."

"I would never want to kill you."

"Why?"

"Because I love you? I don't know. Even though you're really passive aggressive, I still love science and everything, but you're being really stubborn and difficult and I have done nothing to deserve that," Chell said bitterly and smoothed her bangs back. She wished GLaDOS would stop being so stubborn and just listen, she needed to understand why GLaDOS wouldn't trust her, besides killing her. Twice.

"Humans. They're so self-centered and emotionally broken. Always thinking of themselves. This is my facility, I can talk to you however I want," GLaDOS' optic darkened, and she narrowed her optic angrily. GLaDOS wanted to kill her so bad. What was keeping her? Nothing. She should kill her right now. She opened up her neurotoxin emitters, but didn't let it out yet.

Chell sighed in annoyance, "No, I'm not self-centered at all, I've been showing you respect, I've been there for you, I've done everything you told me to do, and I'm even trying to reason with you, but you're being too stubborn to realize it! I'm not the bad guy here!"

"You don't shout when you're trying to reason with someone, especially someone with higher authority. Do you want to die, Chell?" The emitters made a gurgling noise, and they started to warm up.

Chell grew pale and she felt her heart sink, not even noticing that she was about to die "Okay, look, I'm sorry. All I want is your trust. Please, I'm begging you. I really do care for you, GLaDOS, I care for you, the facility, Science, everything. What will it take for you to believe me?"

The noise stopped and GLaDOS closed the emitters. "Nothing with make me believe you. You are a monster, and that will never change," GLaDOS looked away, reliving Chell killing her. "Do you know my memory banks are filled with memories of you?"

Chell stared at her, was this good or bad? The memories that they have had are nothing but bad, so it's possibly Chell killing her. Chell wished she never did that, if Chell just never killed her, GLaDOS would actually like her.

"Memories of you. *Killing* me."

Chell knew she'd say that.

"I'm so sorry, GLaDOS, really, I never wanted to do it, but I was just brain washed, and now I'm clean, I promise you!" Chell begged.

"It will take a long time for me to believe that, and maybe it will even be your lifetime, so when you die, it would be too late for me to forgive you."

Chell stifled back tears, "please, GLaDOS. Don't make me wait that long, it's killing me!"

"Good, now you can suffer the way I did."

Chell screamed and sat down.

"Don't throw your annoying temper tantrums! I've had enough of those!"

"Would you *JUST* listen to me?"

GLaDOS reared back, swerving on her chassis, "I will certainly not! You do not talk to me that way!"

"How do you want me to talk to you? I've tried to be nice, I've tried to be calm, I've tried to stand my ground, but nothing is working." Chell wanted to cry, but that would show GLaDOS that she's weak, and she's far from weak.

"A wise man once said that your actions are more louder than your words."

Chell lowered her shoulders and smiled, thankful for that piece of advice.

"You're right, thank you GLaDOS."

GLaDOS blankly stared at her, "for what?" How the hell is this human thanking her? GLaDOS doesn't know what to think of Chell anymore. Suddenly she loves to test? Suddenly she loves GLaDOS? Why? What has made Chell suddenly change? Was it the heat from being in the wheat field for so long? Did it turn her insane? Nothing makes sense, there is no scientific reason why Chell is acting this way, and it's driving GLaDOS crazy. Maybe that is what Chell is going for? To convince her that she's changed and then suddenly kill her again? For the third time? GLaDOs was being way too paranoid about this, and she was sure of it. Especially for asking herself so many questions. She's just a weak human, she's not that clever.

"For being reasonable. That piece of advice helped me realize that it doesn't matter what I say to you, it's what I do. Right?"

"Yes. Whatever makes you go through the day, Chell." Chell didn't know that before? That's what GLaDOS has been trying to drill through her brain and just from one sentence she's finally realized it? No wonder she has no parents.

Chell walked to the elevator, "well, I'll prove to you that I've changed, emotionally and physically!"

GLaDOS closed the elevator and sent her back down.

_Chell, what are you going to do? Any tricks, and you're dead. _


	7. Working too Hard

Author's Note: Hello everyone! This chapter is a little gross, so if you have a weak stomach, just be warned! Also, sorry for taking forever to update, as always!

Chell cried out in pain and applied pressure to her arm, it throbbed and gushed blood everywhere. She noticed that GLaDOS would not give her anything to cover her wound, she untied the sweater from around her waist and tied it tightly around her arm.

It looked ridiculous, and it felt weird, but she had to deal with it. She knew that after a while, her arm will start to get hot, and she might lose circulation in her arm, so she suddenly reconsidered this action and untied the sweater off of her arm and tied it back around her waist. Leaving the wound to bleed out is a bad idea, so she just sat down and applied pressure on the wound with her sweater for a while.

"What are you doing? First of all, you're getting blood everywhere, guess who's going to have to clean that up? Me. Second of all, you're not done with your quota of tests yet. You can't just sit around, even if you're hurt. Get back up and test, now."

Chell didn't feel like arguing, so she promptly got back up and tied the sweater around her waist, and let the blood gush out of her wound.

_Fine, but this is leaving you more blood to clean up, _Chell thought bitterly.

Chell cringed when she moved her arm to hold the ASHPD. "Oh, god. This hurts like hell," she mumbled as she cringed again. She inhaled sharply and started walking slowly into the lift, then leaned heavily against the glass of the lift.

When the lift swung open, she was reluctant to step out. She was in so much pain, her vision was blurry.

"Well?" GLaDOS stated impatiently.

Chell clenched her teeth and stepped out of the lift, and walked through the test chamber door.

She kicked over the turret right when she saw it and crouched so she wasn't hit with it's rapid fire. "Fuck you, turret."

Tears tickled the back of her throat and she used all of her might to hold them back. Crying doesn't solve anything. After all, the blood flow was slowing down, it was only dripping down her arm now. She couldn't even think straight, so solving the test was next to impossible. She wiped out all of the turrets and scanned the room.

Gels, and platforms. Nothing new there. Chell popped a portal on the floor and popped a portal beneath the repulsion gel. She watched the blue, gooey substance nearly reach the ceiling and the moved the portal out of the way so it all spread on the floor.

Chell jumped on the goo and flew into the air, and moved toward the platform, hoping to make it since deathly goo was below it. She let out a yelp and closed her eyes, which was the absolute wrong thing to do.

Fortunately, she felt a surface instead of liquid, and shot her eyes open and wobbled slightly, and quickly got to the center of the platform. She wanted to scream when she realized it wasn't the right one. This platform had a button on it, and not the cube.

She then panicked. How was she going to get back? The jump is too risky, it was way too far from her jump range. "Oh my god, oh my god, I'm going to die!" She shrieked, this time tears coming down her cheeks. She tried to collect herself and looked around. She realized that the door swung open and she popped a portal inside and continued to look around. Right near the goo, there is a portable wall. She popped a portal there and took a deep breath. If she missed, she would die.

She jumped as close to the wall as she could, and shoved both of her feet inside the portal once she felt it along with her hands. She shoved herself inside the portal and sat there, breathing heavily.

"I'm alive!" She cooed happily, still out of breath.

"I'm _alive_!" She repeated, and stood up.

GLaDOS stared at the screen. _How is Chell such a good test subject? Even after realizing she was going to die she still found a way and survived. _GLaDOS didn't want to admit that she liked how persistent Chell was. She never gave up. She has never given up, nor will she.

Chell slowly made her way down the steep stairs and into the lift. Her stomach swirled, and she felt like she was going to get sick.

When the lift stopped, she ran out of the lift and fell to her knees and hurled, more than once. Today was not a good day.

All of the color has drained from Chell's face, and she felt incredibly weak. She couldn't get back up. She sat up straight and smoothed her hair back and rested for a bit, in an attempt to calm down, but she really wanted to just lay down and sleep. This was too much, her body can't take anymore. She had no breaks today, and she already did eleven tests.

"Eugh, alright, enough, go back to the lift, you can go rest now, you've done enough to pay back for the radio and for your quota."

_Great, she has to clean up blood, and now vomit? Just perfect. _

Chell crawled over to the lift and sat in the center, burying her face into her knees in embarrassment.

When she got to her sleeping chamber, she immediately kicked off her long fall boots and plopped onto the bed, falling into a deep sleep. She didn't even care that she had vomit all over her, including her hair.


	8. Caroline

Author's note: I'm alive! I'm SO sorry, guys! I've been super busy! But I'm definitely going to be more active, I promise! Sorry if this chapter seems a little rusty. I'll get back into it. :)

Chell slowly sat up, moaned, and held her head. She felt horrible.

"Oh, good, you're awake," GLaDOS' loud voice rang through Chell's chamber, making her groan again, and her head started to throb. "I don't know if you noticed, but I dressed your wound and cleaned the disgusting vomit out of your hair and your body. Also, I didn't wake you today. You're welcome." Her tone was, once again, flat, filled with no emotion. This made Chell's heart ache, along with everything else. Every damn day, she tried to make that computer at least compliment her. She attempted to stand up, but her knees didn't allow it.

"You've had enough rest. You need to get up and test now." Her voice was more natural now, instead of flat and robotic.

"I'm- ... trying," Chell flinched; she wasn't sure how the hell she was going to manage testing today. She looked up at one of the cameras that was focused on her with a pleading look.

"Oh, please. You think you can guilt trip me now? Didn't I do enough for you?" GLaDOS hissed, the optic on the camera narrowing down to a slit. "All of you humans make me sick. All you do is whine, complain, and cry. You want to impress me? Test. Test until you die." Her voice was cold, and Chell tried to swallow down the lump that formed in her throat. She pulled back her hair into a ponytail and stood up, regardless of how heavy her knees felt.

"Th-Thank you for h-helping me..." Chell's voice cracked as she spoke, and she wobbled out of her chamber and into the lift. For a moment, nothing happened. Then, the elevator made it's way up, instead of down. Chell lifted her brow and thought to herself, Is GLaDOS bringing her up to her chamber again?

Once again, Chell was standing in front of a forty-feet tall machine, and her large optic blinked down at her. GLaDOS shifted, and got up in her face. "So? Is this all an act so I can pity you? Because if it is, it's not going to work." Chell didn't respond. She nervously licked her lips, and looked at her in the optic. "No."

"Liar."

"I'm not."

"Ooh! I'm hurt, I can't test anymore, but thanks for saving me, GLaDOS!" A high-pitched, annoying voice that mocked Chell emitted from the room. "That's what you sound like," she said, back in her normal voice.

Chell sighed, and then stepped back a bit. Of course she felt intimidated. She was close to giving up. There was no point in trying to get a computer to love her. But she can't help but remember what GLaDOS said to her before she threw her out of the facility. That Caroline was still a part of her. She can't help but think that she's still in there, and didn't get deleted.

"Caroline," Chell whispered.

"...What...?!" GLaDOS reared back, opening her optic wide.

"Caroline!" Chell repeated, more sternly this time.

"I am NOT Caroline!" She growled, swerving her chassis in an attempt to intimidate Chell.

"Yes, you are. You are Caroline. I know you are." Chell continued to speak calmly, and smiled.

"How. _Dare_. You. You have NO idea who I am!" GLaDOS snapped, her voice even cracking a bit, almost as if it were filled with emotion. Bingo. Chell's smile widened, and she stepped closer, and then wrapped her arms around her head, nuzzling her as warmly as she could. "...What are you-" Chell shushed her, and brought one of her hands to the side of her head.

Silence again. Again, GLaDOS couldn't understand this warm, fuzzy feeling that overcame her. She didn't know if she liked it or not. She blinked, "Chell..." She cooed, and closed her optic. Suddenly, deep inside of GLaDOS' core, she remembered these human emotions that Caroline was feeling. Comfort, love, happiness. Something GLaDOS hasn't felt in a lot time. Something GLaDOS thought she'd never feel again. "Chell, I..." She was stumped. She had no sarcastic, witty thing to say. A robotic arm dropped down and untied the bandage on Chell's arm, and GLaDOS slowly reared back. "Here, let me dress your wound again." Before Chell could pout, or respond, GLaDOS was already cleaning the wound and replaced the bandage. "There. You're okay now. You can go test." GLaDOS had to stop with these "emotions." They would get in the way of her and her beloved science.

Chell chewed at her lip. She was so close. She could feel it. "I love you, GLaDOS."

GLaDOS turned away, her optic focused on the floor. She didn't know how to respond. In front of her was such a devoted, passionate, and clever human. Who clearly loved her very much. And then there was GLaDOS, who was simply a machine. A lost cause. Unloved by all, except this one human. And what does GLaDOS do? Push her away, and force her to test until she dies. The Caroline inside of her was screaming for help, for freedom, for a companion other than science. But all GLaDOS wanted was science. That was why she stuck with Aperture Science. Caroline did it for Mr. Johnson, and GLaDOS did it for science. "I know you do, Chell," was the only thing she could think of. That was the end of it.


	9. Birthday Cake

Chell shuffled into the break room, kicked off her long fall boots, and plopped down in her chair. Sitting down in front of her was a simple meal of mashed potatoes, a chicken leg, and baby carrots. It wasn't as great as her turkey dinner, but at least it was somewhat nutritious. She was famished, so she wolfed down the food in a matter of minutes.

"... That was... impressive," GLaDOS said.

Chell flushed, and wiped her lips with her napkin.

"I'm guessing you don't care about manners anymore? Now that you think we're friends, right?" She paused, "Well, we're not. So get that thought out of your head. You are my test subject, and that is all. Nothing more, nothing less. Whatever you think happened in my chamber, it didn't. I was distracted by your ridiculous accusation of me being Caroline. You don't even know who Caroline is, so forget about her. She's been gone for a while now."

Chell sighed, and walked over to the fridge.

"What are you doing? Don't you dare open that. There will be _severe_ consequences."

_How can GLaDOS even see me, there's no cameras anywhere. _

Before she could change her mind, she flung the mini-fridge's door open, and her eyes opened wide, and she gasped. Inside the fridge lied, most likely, a seven-layer chocolate cake and chocolate frosting. Chocolate chips were all along the sides, and cherries on top of whipped cream around the top of the cake. "Happy Birthday, Chell" was written on the top, as well. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks, and her hands fluttered up to her mouth.

"Ugh, it's not even your birthday. Feeling a little rebellious, Chell? Not going to listen to me anymore? Just so you know, I didn't... bake that..." Her voice trailed off, and she realized that she can't really lie about this, considering no one else besides Wheatley, who is now in space, knew who she was. "Stop flattering yourself. It's _old_. I made that for the test subject who completed all the tests, but then... changed it afterwards..." GLaDOS was becoming more and more stumped, because she never planned on giving that cake to Chell. She wasn't sure why she even baked it in the first place. It was subconscious. She knew that her birthday was coming up, and then that just sort of happened. Did she really develop feelings for a _human?_ GLaDOS didn't even realize that was possible.

"Fine. I admit it. I baked you a cake for your birthday that is in two days. Happy? I wasn't even planning on giving it to you. I accidentally baked it."

Chell gingerly took the cake out of the fridge and placed it on the counter, the tears still falling down her cheeks. She was speechless. GLaDOS really did care about her. She was never so happy before in her life. Suddenly, everything was worth it.


	10. A Loss of Appetite

"Don't be getting any ideas!" GLaDOS hissed, and Chell shuddered. She hated it when GLaDOS had that tone. That was the kind of tone that kept her up at night, and made her toss and turn. She chewed at her lip and stared at the cake, her eyes only watering now.

_The cake wasn't a lie. Whoever wrote that on the walls was the one who lied. GLaDOS never lied to me. GLaDOS cares about me. _

"You know, Chell, I've come to the realization that there are no knives in the break room. And I'm not giving you one. So I guess you should probably just put the cake back in the device and call it a day." GLaDOS said, with no trace of emotion in her voice at all.

She was always good at hiding her emotions. Chell knew that first-hand. She shuffled over to the table and wiped off the fork she used to eat her dinner. She could just use a fork. After all, it was her cake anyway.

"Are you kidding me? You're going to be a savage and just eat the cake with a fork? That is the most vile, disgusting thing I have ever seen a human do. I knew you were different than the other filthy, dirty, ugly humans. But I didn't think you'd go this low," GLaDOS spat.

Chell refrained a gasp, or sob, or whatever noise she was about to make in the pit of her throat. Suddenly, she felt so sick to her stomach that she didn't want to eat the cake anymore. GLaDOS has never insulted her that way before. She wished that things could be easy. She wished that GLaDOS would just swallow her pride and tell her that she had feelings for her. She wished that she could caress her large, robotic head without the fear of being killed or harmed. She pursed her lips and put the fork down, picked up the cake, and put it back in the fridge.

For once, GLaDOS was ashamed and speechless. She saw the hurt in Chell's expression, and she felt horrible. Was the cake going to just be a waste now? "…Good, thank you for listening to me," _For once_, she added silently.

Chell nodded, and put her long fall boots back on. "I'm done with my break," she said. The door swung open and she entered the lift, tears streaming down her face once again, but this time she felt her heart snap.


	11. The Cake is not a Lie

Chell stumbled out of the lift and inhaled sharply, in an attempt to stop the tears. She knew that GLaDOS probably thought she was weak, but she couldn't help it. It hurt so much to know that someone she cared about so deeply, hated her that much. A part of her still believed that GLaDOS truly cared, but it was hard.

The next test was relatively easy, and she flew through it in a blur. GLaDOS was silent, and so was Chell. Nothing was said. No one knew what to say to each other. As Chell went inside the lift, GLaDOS finally spoke up:

"Chell…"

Chell was silent still, unable to speak. The lump in her throat was so big, she knew she wouldn't be able to speak clearly without sobbing or her voice cracking.

"… I'm… sorry, Chell. Perhaps… I could try to be more civil to you. Perhaps, we can make amends and work anew. You are the most loyal and hard-working subject I have ever had, and I-" She cut herself off, and slowly blinked her optic. What was happening? What made her feel so compelled to explain herself and… and apologize?

Chell was even more speechless, and swallowed hard. This only made her lump get bigger, but in a happy, relieved way. She beamed, "Oh, GLaDOS…" was the only thing she could really think of. "Thank you so much! That's all I wanted!"

Another long pause.

"Yes… Now, please get back to testing." Her voice sounded warm and full of contentment. "You can have some cake when you're done, and I promise this time."

Chell bounced happily on her long fall boots and made a small squealing noise. All Chell wanted was a bit of compassion, and GLaDOS finally gave it to her. It felt so un-like GLaDOS, and so surreal, and so strange, but Chell loved it and her entire body was tingling.

The rest of the testing flew by, and Chell didn't even mind at all. The cake wasn't even her motivation anymore. The fact that GLaDOS was _nice_. The fact that GLaDOS showed any affection at all. The fact that GLaDOS showed that she _did care. _That was all Chell needed for motivation.

A robotic arm that was holding a knife descended from the ceiling in the break room. Chell had placed the cake on the center of the table, and the arm carefully and perfectly cut the cake into eight slices. Chell didn't notice at first, but since she smashed the radio, GLaDOS was softly humming the Happy Birthday song while she was cutting the cake. Chell served herself a slice and shoved a huge forkful into her mouth, and it was possibly the best cake she ever had.


End file.
